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Monday, December 28, 2009

Random Thought #6

During the holiday season I thought it would only be thoughtful of me to give you multiple random thoughts.

So in no particular order:

1. I feel that a good shit should be celebrated, but instead it is somehow shunned. A good shit is comparable to an excellent session of solo copulation. It's one of the greatest things that you can do alone. On that note, a great masturbation experience should also be celebrated.

B. People should not be judged by how they look, their race, etc, but I think that it is fair to judge someone by how they smell. I think that it says a lot about a person. I like women who smell like fresh strawberries.

III. Hoarders are bat shit crazy and I love them for that reason. It gives me reason to say "bat shit crazy" much more than should be humanly allowed. Plus, it is amusing when someone has 55,000 precious collectibles in their home right next to the pile of soiled adult diapers that they use because the plumbing hasn't worked in two years...because the plumber can't get into the house to fix the pipes. Like I said, bat shit crazy and I love it.

Have a super sexy 2010! (Hint - this is easily accomplished if you smell like fresh strawberries)

Cheers!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Random Thought #5

I've said it before, but it bears repeating:


  • Cup the balls
  • Don't worry about having on clean underwear "in case you get in an accident". If the wreck is so bad that someone is checking out the contents of your underwear then chances are you've also shit them. Be more concerned with wearing cologne
  • Chicks with big boobs want you to stare at them. Why else would they have them?
  • Crotchless panties, a pizza with two toppings and extra cheese, or a remote control nitro truck are all things that will make a guy call you back in less than three days
  • Beer is cool, liquor is cool, wine will do if you are out of cough syrup...
Cheers!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Random Thought #4

Today I sneezed and farted at the same time. 


It was the next best thing to an orgasm, but at the same time it reminded me that I am getting old and that control over my bodily functions will slowly decrease until I am shitting myself whenever I yawn...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Random Thought #3

I love how music inspires us, but hate how easy people jump on the band wagon with a new song.

I love discovering new bands and new music, but hate people who argue that they are "the biggest fan" as if that means something.

I love music. Do not judge me.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Random Thought #2

Sometimes I think that taking a shit feels even that much better when you are drunk.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Random Thought #1

Hmmmmm...Captain Kirk or Darth Vader...I'd have to choose the one that sucks less cock. Just a personal choice really...